waiting for you...

So what did I do today? Not much; which felt good (I was able to rest), but also bad (felt as though I wasted a day) at the same time. I think that's one of the things you have to deal with when working shift work. The days you have off aren't always the same as other people; and then when other people have something on, you have to work. At the moment it doesn't seem to bother me that much as I do enjoy having my own time but I do miss out on a lot of time spending with family, friends and of cause my special someone. Sometimes my mind does begin to wonder what it would be like if I worked a 9to5 Monday to Friday job and whether that would be the "perfect" set up. But then again I have always worked shift work, so I guess I wouldn't know any better and besides what would I be doing if I was working a 9to5 job.

So what would be my ideal job? I do have some ideas of where I want to go next in my career, actually I've being wanting to do this for quiet a while, and it always seem the time isn't right or I've been to scared to try it. But what am I waiting for? Now I am waiting for the right opportunity to come up; which actually at the moment seems to be obtainable. But it still doesn't fell quiet right and I can't explain why. Could it be that I want to be in control of my life. I plot and scheme of where I want to be and if it seems to be beyond me, I know I tend to shy away from the challenge. Ironic isn't it?

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." - Jeremiah 29:11

Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men. - Colossians 3:23

These are two favorite verses but it seems that I haven't being living by its truths. So what am I waiting for? I've known these two verses for many years. The youth use to know that the verse that I would use regularly are these 2 verses, but what am I waiting for? I think I'd stick with it for a few months, but then I tend to veer away and start doing it my way again. I know the verses in my head inside out, but why doesn't my heart start believing in it 100%? What am I waiting for? Why do I feel as though I am stuck again in the same cycle? Why am I afraid to get out of this cycle?

Alot of the time it frustrates me to be contiually going around in this cycle. I know it doesn't just bother me, but those around me, especially when everytime something is up, it is this. This is the last time...

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light , not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous?

Actually, who are you not to be?

You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn't serve the world. There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you.

We were born to make and manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."

- Marianne Williamson